Laurie Herr, “She Walks the Talk: Dedicated mom, kid counselor and fitness fan Jennifer Calvert doesn’t just tell others what to do—she shows them.” Spry, May 2010, p. 10. (www.spryliving.com)

OVERVIEW

Missing school, feigning illness and withdrawing from friends can all be signs that your child is being bullied, says Jennifer Calvert, whose novel, BFF: Best Friends Forever, shares real-life strategies for dealing with bullies.

Now an elementary school counselor Jennifer teaches kids how to stand up for themselves, both inside and outside the classroom. “Bullying is all about power,” Jennifer says. She shows kids how to take that power back—with a well-timed comeback, random question or simply a confident look. “I tell kids, ‘It may be killing you inside, but you can’t let them know how it hurts.’”

Jennifer herself, after failing at short sprints in track, took the advice of a coach and found her niche in distance running, and through that found self-confidence. Learning from that personal experience she’s helping students build their own emotional strength at school and beyond.

Calvert continues running and is an active leader of a community biking and jogging group. She is also founder of Girl Power and a similar program for boys.

Here are the strategies (for tweens and teens) from BFF: Best Friends Forever:

  1. Ask a Question. Changing the subject, even with a simple question like, “Hey, did you get the homework assignment?” can throw a bully off track.
  2. Go along with the insult. It’s tough to do, but agreeing with a bully’s taunts can totally deflate an attack. There’s not much a tormentor can say to “You’re right, my glasses do look kinda funny.”
  3. Use humor. “It’s the number-one defense.” It takes a quick wit to be funny on the spot, so help your child (teenager) brainstorm a few clever comebacks ahead of time.
  4. Practice the delivery. (This is very important.) Any affective response requires a strong voice and a steady gaze. Help your child role play until she gets it down pat.
  5. Ask for help. A school counselor can bring kids together for a safe mediation. Such a meeting gives the victim dignity, and it lets the bully know the school’s got his (her) number.


QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

  1. How serious a problem do you see bullying to be? What specific examples of it have you experienced yourself or seen? What have been its consequences?
  2. How realistic and effective do you consider the article above? What comments or questions do you have about it?
  3. Does the “Bully, Victim, Bystanders” model make sense to you? Does the bully usually need bystanders to affirm his or her power. Do you agree with Jennifer Calvert in the article above, that “bullying is all about power?”
  4. Are “Mean Girls” into bullying? What do you see as their motivation and the benefits they think they get from making life miserable for another girl?
  5. What more do you think we should be doing about this problem?


IMPLICATIONS

1. In the past, and still in some places, some teachers and administrators have overlooked many cases of bullying as normal stuff or play among children or teens. Now, suicides of young students around the country have brought this to most everyone’s attention and made it a public health issue.

2. Young girls and boys should not struggle with this on their own. This is a family issue, and beyond that a school issue and a community issue. Parents as well as teens need to be talking about this.

3. State legislatures are looking at this issue. Already the state of Massachusetts has passed an anti-bullying law. Youthful perpetrators can now be prosecuted, in this state, and educators are made mandated reporters of bullying.

Dean Borgman cCYS